There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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