i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
