my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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