eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
