I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
