Soap is not a condiment
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I want to be your penis for a week.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
