new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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