Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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