why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My feet surprised me
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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