spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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