I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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