her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
