how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
