Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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