i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
