I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
