we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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