If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
