youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
