You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
