Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
