I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
