pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
