did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
