just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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