Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
