Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
