he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
