did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
