last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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