i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
