3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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