Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
