i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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