So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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