the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
