a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
