Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
