I faked an abortion last night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
