Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
