this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Farmville is her only friend.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
