Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Holy sore nipples Batman
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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