while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
