I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
