Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
