Kiss
Puke
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
