do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
