under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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