Im at strip club and am horny
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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