peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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