so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
