well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
