my sisters under your porch take her home
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
