don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
