so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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