You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
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We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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