Is it because I queefed?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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