just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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