I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
