For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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