I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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